how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
