I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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