U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
