Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
