Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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