it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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