Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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