big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
