shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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