It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
