she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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