marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
