Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
