ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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