Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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