awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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