i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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