I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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