best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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