hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize