when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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