man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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