Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
