i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
