all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
