Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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