Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish i was in the wii world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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