It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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