You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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