I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
