Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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