All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
