WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
