Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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