Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just high enough for therapy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You ruined the universe
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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