yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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