HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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