Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
