Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
