God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yo dont text me then not text me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
