my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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