idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
