If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I just sharted jello shots
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
