You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
