I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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