Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
