3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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