my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
