I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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