Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
