Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
