No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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