i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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