Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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