I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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