No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
