I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
