My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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