and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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