All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
