he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
