i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
