You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
