He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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