Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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