even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
