During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So squirting runs in the family.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
