I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Vodka?
Forever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
