You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
