Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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